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The Invisible Tax: When Personal Attacks Masquerade as Professional Discourse
In business, we expect conflicts. Market disputes, contract negotiations, strategic disagreements—these are the currencies of commerce. What we don’t expect, and what women in leadership roles face disproportionately, is having our professional credibility weaponized against our personal choices.
The Professional-Personal Blur
Recently, I experienced what I can only describe as a masterclass in how business disputes can devolve into character assassination. A disagreement over legitimate business matters—press releases, partnership representations, facility descriptions—quickly spiraled into forensic analyses of my social media presence, detailed commentary on my appearance, and unsolicited psychological evaluations.
The most telling aspect wasn’t the personal nature of the attacks, but their distribution. These intimate critiques of my photo editing habits, weight loss journey, and mental state weren’t contained to private conversation. They were shared with business associates as if psychological profiles were standard due diligence materials.
The Gender Dimension
Male executives rarely face scrutiny over Instagram filters or receive biblical commentary about their LinkedIn headshots. Their business disputes don’t typically include dissertations on their skincare routines or speculation about their self-esteem. Yet for women, particularly those who’ve achieved success while maintaining visibility, the personal becomes professional ammunition.
The subtext is clear: if we can be diminished as people, our business achievements become suspect. If our authenticity can be questioned in one domain, it becomes fair game in all domains.
The Insecurity Economy
Behind many of these attacks lies a complex web of threatened relationships and displaced anxieties. I’ve learned that professional sabotage sometimes stems not from the person you’re directly dealing with, but from their personal ecosystem. A spouse’s insecurity can manifest as business “concerns.” A partner’s jealousy can be reframed as due diligence.
This creates an impossible dynamic: we must now consider not just our business relationships, but the romantic and personal relationships of our business partners. We must navigate not just professional competition, but personal jealousies we never signed up for.
The Documentation Dilemma
When someone collects your photos across months, analyzes metadata, and creates presentations about your appearance, at what point does professional disagreement become harassment? When business disputes include detailed analyses of your social media filters and comments about your “AI-melded body,” we’ve crossed into territory that has nothing to do with commerce.
The most insidious aspect is the packaging: wrapped in concern, delivered with religious righteousness, framed as helpful intervention. Personal destruction disguised as professional guidance.
Reclaiming the Narrative
The response to such attacks requires surgical precision. Engage with legitimate business concerns while refusing to dignify personal commentary. Provide requested professional information while drawing clear boundaries about what constitutes appropriate business discourse.
Most importantly, refuse to internalize the implication that your personal choices—from photo filters to weight loss to social media presence—have any bearing on your professional competence.
The Broader Cost
These dynamics exact a tax that goes beyond the immediate participants. They signal to other women that success comes with unique vulnerabilities. They suggest that business relationships require managing not just professional dynamics, but personal insecurities of partners, spouses, and stakeholders.
They force us to consider whether our achievements, our visibility, our confidence might be perceived as threats requiring elimination rather than assets deserving respect.
Moving Forward
True professional relationships can withstand personal differences, weight loss journeys, and social media choices. They focus on deliverables, not appearance. They address business concerns without psychological evaluations.
The goal isn’t to eliminate all personal elements from business—relationships matter, trust is personal, character counts. The goal is to maintain proportionality and relevance. When someone’s photo editing habits become central to a business dispute, we’ve lost the plot entirely.
The Bottom Line
Women in business shouldn’t have to choose between professional success and personal authenticity. We shouldn’t have to manage others’ insecurities as part of our business operations. And we certainly shouldn’t have to defend our right to look good, feel confident, and use whatever filters make us happy while we’re building empires and changing industries.
The most powerful response to personal attacks disguised as professional concern is continued excellence. Keep building, keep achieving, keep being authentically yourself—filters and all.